I Didn't Mean To Kill You
by Mercury
Summary: Daisuke has thoughts to kill Ken, but what really causes them? And will they both find out when a freak attack leaves Ken mortally injured? (Yaoi warning and other notes. Read these inside.) Please reveiw!


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Sandiya, don't hate me forever! I wrote a yaoi...spare us all!  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
I don't own anything except this fic.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
Please pay close attention. This fanfic is yaoi. It is Kensuke. (well, now that I look at it, it seems more Daiken.) It wasn't intended to be Daiken, but with poor, injured Ken...it kinda sounds that way. I prefer Ken as the dominant, however.  
  
If character death bothers you, I am very sorry.   
  
Trust me. I don't make Daisuke sound murderous and Ken die because I don't like them. It is not character bashing. I adore Daisuke and I absolutely love Ken.  
  
WARNINGS:  
Yaoi, my friends. Kensuke/Daiken. And character death. Plus kissing. Angst. Very, very sad fic. It almost needed 'drama' instead of 'romance'.  
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'I Didn't Mean To Kill You'  
by Mercury  
  
  
  
It was almost as if the two Chosen Children had gone mad. Insane. They both were thinking in such ways as how they could kill their enemy.  
  
Which would not have been such a problem, had their enemy not been human.  
  
Takeru and Daisuke had changed, however, over the course of the battle. They just wanted it all to be over with, no matter what was lost in the process.  
  
However, none of the others were on agreeing terms with them. It was well-known fact that they could not and would not help in killing a human, even if that human wasn't acting very humanly.  
  
Takeru had finally been convinced that they were just going to have to defeat him the long--but legal--way. Unfortunately, this only made Daisuke even more willing to destroy every last trace of ever fighting against him. Including the enemy himself.  
  
What pleasure Daisuke would enjoy in defeating Ichijouji Ken. Destroying him. Getting him out of this world and the digital one forever.  
  
Because Ken haunted Daisuke. It was inevitable that this was his main reason for wishing him dead and gone. The two were such rivals without ever having quite said their reasons for the rivalry. But it was this rivalry that was threatening the lives of both of them.  
  
Daisuke had ignored all warnings from his fellow warriors. All the times they had threatened to tell the police, tell their parents, tell someone...Daisuke simply ignored. Ken was plaguing him and he was set on ridding the world of that plague.   
  
So it was that one night, unknown by any of the Chosen Children except himself, Daisuke set his plan into action. It was flawless. He would go about doing this perfectly.  
  
His plan involved a few steps, none of which seemed complicated to the boy at the time. First, all he had to manage was to sneak away to the Digital World without waking his family. That was simple enough.  
  
Then it began to get more complex, as he plotted how he would reach the headquarters of his enemy and destroy him...all before morning when the others would surely go looking for him in the Digital World.  
  
He had no idea as to how he would cover up for his plan, but at the time he did not care. He was ready, as ready as he had ever been, to get rid of the torture that was Ichijouji Ken.  
  
Daisuke could not realize the true reason for his death wish on Ken. It was not that he hated the young, powerful boy; not in the least was it hate that provoked the murderous feelings. Truth be told, Daisuke had found himself in the middle of love--a love that confused him to the point of murder.  
  
He had quickly made it through the portal to the Digital World, and now came one of his harder tasks. Now he must locate the enemy. Track down Ken and get this over with as swiftly as possible.  
  
He wasn't very sure how he was going to do this. He simply ignored this and other questions burning in his mind and walked. Relentlessly he walked, aimed toward nowhere but yet everywhere, searching for Ken.   
  
Through the early part of the night he searched, more questions bubbling up in his mind only to be pushed away again with each sound he heard, each sound that made his already-pumping heart skip a few beats.   
  
What would he do when he did find Ken? How would he handle the situation? And why...why was he so set on getting this all over with tonight?   
  
Daisuke was worried. He was nervous, and he was afraid. He knew the others would soon discover that it was him--if he made it that far. He suddenly realized that he was trying to kill someone who had an entire army on their side, even though that army was not voluntary.  
  
Then, in a flash of his worry and his questions, he heard what he had been waiting for--or was it hoping against?--all night.  
  
It was Ken. He had found his enemy. Maybe his enemy had found him? In any case, they had found each other.  
  
Daisuke stiffened. He saw the dark-haired boy of a year above his age in the distance, trekking silently to who knew where. And he knew this was the moment of truth.  
  
He stiffly walked to where Ken had paused to catch his breath, leaning heavily against one of his dark towers. Had Daisuke been paying attention he would have noticed that something was wrong. Something was very wrong...  
  
But all he could think about was getting this torture over with. Confused and almost blinded by the whole concept of loving his enemy, he approached, none too quiet.  
  
Ken spun around, his normally-perfect hair now down in his face, and a thin trickle of fresh blood running from a deep cut above his left eye. He glared through his glasses at Daisuke for a long, agonizing moment.  
  
"Go...away..." he hissed finally.  
  
Daisuke shook his head, a rare, determined expression etched on his face. "I came here to get this over with."  
  
Ken looked nearly confused, but caught himself in time before he slipped and showed his emotion. "What are you babbling about?"  
  
This close to his enemy and he still could not make himself kill. Daisuke was more than confused, now, he was beginning to understand why he was confused. It didn't really bother him to think that he loved Ken for all the reasons it would bother most people--more or less it just bothered him that he loved someone so evil.  
  
But he was still lost and more than a little upset. And so he was also still ready to get this over with, once and for all.  
  
Ken put his hand to the tower next to him and stood as straight as he could manage. "I grow impatient, Motomiya. Would you mind not wasting my entire night?"  
  
In a burst of energy that took both of them by suprise, Daisuke was on top of Ken, holding him to the ground. "I have to get rid of you," he choked.  
  
Ken's eyes widened as Daisuke whisked the glasses from his face, leaving the clear, violet eyes unprotected.   
  
Daisuke suddenly seemed to feel his heart melting. He couldn't. He could not kill Ken. But he had the chance to get out from under the burden of this love! And yet he knew he couldn't. To take the life of the one he loved would be a cruelty for the both of them.  
  
As though time itself had stopped, Daisuke continued to simply stare into Ken's wide, scared eyes. And Ken, breathing heavily, stared back. Both of them were frightened and overly confused, but neither of them seemed to want the moment to end.  
  
It was Ken who broke the eerie silence. "What did you do that for?" he asked, forcing his voice back to its sate of authority.   
  
Daisuke, still holding Ken's glasses in his trembling hand, closed his eyes. And he just sat there for a long while, trying to decide what he should say.  
  
He decided on the truth.   
  
"Listen...I was confused because I didn't understand something. And that something, it made me want to...well, kill you. So I thought I'd try."  
  
Ken's face showed absoulely no emotion. His eyes, still wide, focused on Daisuke's face. But there was nothing shown in them. Then, slowly, he sat up, pushing Daisuke off the top of him with suprising gentleness.   
  
It was when Ken sat, leaning against his tower again, that Daisuke finally noticed that something was wrong.   
  
"Hey...what....what's wrong, Ken?"  
  
Ken glared at him for a moment, then put a hand to his head and moaned softly.   
  
Daisuke slowly and cautiously crawled to Ken's side. He watched, afraid that making any move to help his secret love would result in being attacked or worse: causing Ken to be hurt more.  
  
Such changes in his thoughts toward the young Kaizer. One minute he was all ready to kill him and the next, madly in love with him. And very worried.  
  
A minute later, Ken spoke. His voice held none of its usual standards of arrogance and conceit. Now he sounded tired, weak, afraid...  
  
"I'll tell you what happened." He forced his body to let him sit up, though apparently the gash above his eye was not his only injury. "I was attacked, you could say, by a few rebellious slaves. I can't say that I blame them." He gasped sharply as a new wave of pain shot through him.   
  
Daisuke was immediately there, his arm around Ken. Both of them were startled, but neither of them commented. Neither said a word.   
  
Finally, Daisuke moved so that he was looking Ken in the eyes again. He noticed that those eyes, that had not very long ago looked clear and alert, now looked weak and weary. Slowly, Daisuke realized what was happening.  
  
"Oh...no. Ken."  
  
Ken focused on Daisuke at the sound of his name, but obviously was having difficulty paying attention to anything. He gripped Daisuke's sleeve with all the strength he had left in him and shuddered.  
  
"It's strange," he said finally. His voice was barely audible and noticeably weak. "I never even thought it possible."  
  
Daisuke, holding tightly to Ken's arms, shook him a little when his eyelids began to droop. "What? What's strange?"  
  
"Oh...you wanted to kill me because you thought you hated me. Those Digimon attacked me--and granted, I believe I'm dying--because they know they hate me. And yet, now you think you love me."  
  
Daisuke stared at him silently.  
  
"And you wonder how I know? Because--" and he shifted his position so that he could force himself to lean forward, "--I feel the same about you."  
  
He fell back against the dark tower and lost his deathgrip on Daisuke's sleeve. His clouded eyes rolled up into his head and he would have fallen over if Daisuke had not caught him.  
  
"Ken?"  
  
Daisuke shook him awake again. "You can't die, Ken," he whispered. "Not now! Not know that we know..."  
  
Ken pulled Daisuke to him in a swift motion and kissed him, very passionately for someone of such evil.  
  
Suprised but not bothered in the least, Daisuke held Ken tightly until he broke away.  
  
"Gomen," Ken whispered. "I--"  
  
Daisuke cut him off. "Shh. Just don't talk."  
  
Ken obliged to this, silence filling the air so peacefully that neither broke it for a long time.  
  
It wasn't until the sun was rising over the digital landscape that either spoke.  
  
"Don't forget my love," Ken said softly.   
  
Daisuke was not handling any of it well. "Oh, Ken! I didn't mean to kill you. I never really meant to kill you!"  
  
"It wasn't you, Daisuke. You know that."  
  
"But I feel like it's my fault."  
  
"I don't think it's your fault. It's mine."  
  
Daisuke tightened his arms around Ken and listened in despair as he continued.  
  
"I brought this on myself. I deserve to be ultimately destroyed by those Digimon. I hurt them; I forced them to do my will." He buried his face in Daisuke's chest and sobbed. "I'm just so sorry..."  
  
Daisuke was quiet until Ken's sobs subsided and he sat, trembling, holding onto Daisuke for dear life. Daisuke stroked his hair gently and they both, together, felt the first warmth from the sun.  
  
"The others will be here soon," Daisuke pointed out.  
  
"Will they blame you?" Ken asked. He now laid his head weakly on his lover's shoulder and still trembled.  
  
"They might."  
  
"Tell them the truth."  
  
Daisuke nodded. "I plan on it, Ken. They may not believe me. They may not want to believe me. But I will."  
  
Ken sighed. "I love you," he whispered.   
  
"I love you, too. I wish I had more time to prove it to you." Daisuke kissed him again, more full of his love than the first. He would not have ended that kiss for all eternity, but Ken pushed him away, gasping for air and holding his head again.  
  
"Don't leave yet, Daisuke," he begged. "Please, not yet."  
  
Almost instinctively when he heard the voices of the other Chosen Children, Daisuke held onto Ken protectively and tried to calm down the dying boy.  
  
Ken leaned against Daisuke again just as Takeru, Hikari, Iori, and Miyako walked within earshot...and eyeshot.  
  
"What in the--" Takeru began. Hikari shushed him quickly.  
  
"Don't forget this," Ken pleaded. "Don't ever forget."  
  
Miyako raised an eyebrow. "I think we need to have a little talk with Daisuke."  
  
"Shh!" Hikari ordered.  
  
Daisuke, aware but uncaring of his friends' watching him, allowed his tears to come. "I'll always remember, Ken."  
  
A soft, pathetic moan escaped from Ken's lips...and then he died, in the arms of his love.   
  
Daisuke knew he was dead. He could tell immediately when Ken's body suddenly wasn't so tense anymore. And then he fell apart, sobbing heart-wrenching sobs that made the others cry, even though they had missed the events and were still trying to sort things out.  
  
Hikari approached her friend and touched his shoulder lightly. "I'm not sure what happened here, but I'm sorry, Daisuke."  
  
He looked at her through his tears and simply said, "It's a long story, Hikari." Then he laid the body of Ken as gently as he possibly could right there, where they had spent the previous night. He stood up, walked back to the others with Hikari following him, and burst into tears again.  
  
His friends were kind with him, waiting until he felt like explaining to ask questions. But nothing ever really filled the emptiness he felt after Ken's death.  
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PLEASE reveiw this...please? *puppy eyes*  
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